I was a little resistant about this topic because I wasn't sure what it all meant at first but, God told me " I am talking to you". Wow! Now I understand. There are many life lessons to learn as I travel through this life and many, many areas I need to dissect and correct, I am sure! That's a fact! As an individual, woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, Aunt, Godmother, Friend and employee there are several hats I wear and at times I feel as if my plate is so full but the hat of friendship is what has been placed on my heart.
What is Friendship?
"Hey girl, what's up?"
"girl sooo much!! where do I begin!"
"Oh shoot let me pause the TV, ok I am all ears"
"girl tell me why did I find out......." (insert all the drama)
"shut up no way!!!!, I knew ............." (add your two cents)
"now it's not what I know, but girl I believe it's true!"(gives the disclaimer)
"ok, well you already know I won't say anything"(validates the messiness)
Yes, friends share many stories and engage in conversation but I hope not like the one above. The word of God tells us that "a perverse man stirs up dissension, and gossip separates close friends" Proverbs 16:28.
Friends usually arise from common interest, shared ideas, similar backgrounds, instant vibes. "Birds of a feather flock together." In life however, sometimes our feathers change, sometimes we grow apart and begin to shift our interests according to our maturity level, marital status, growth of family, calling and purpose in life and sometimes just because (read on).
When people need advice most of the time we tend to go to our friends because we know they love us, will agree with us, will have our back, and may even validate us. Because our friends are like us in many ways, they may not have answers for us during those difficult times we face depending on the maturity level and life experiences. In Proverbs 13:20, it says "he who walks with the wise grows wise but a companion of fools suffers harm". I am thankful God has surrounded me with some wise people who have traveled the road I am traveling already (marriage, children, family, health, faith, education) someone who can relate and who has been through some things in life and who are serving God and living for Christ the way I desire! Wise people have been through a lot, wise people are able to offer sound spiritual advise with love, wise people have wisdom, wise people are able to warn you about pitfalls ahead. Who are the wise people in my life? How about the ones in your life?
When I was reading through the bible about friendships I came across this in my commentary from the verse Proverbs 17:17, "what type of friend are you? There is a vast difference between knowing someone well and being a true friend. The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty (loving at all times)- being available to help in times of distress or personal struggles. Too many people are fair-weather friends. They stick around when the friendship helps them and leave when they are not getting anything out of the relationship. It then prompted me to think about my friends and to assess my loyalty to them. My flesh wanted to do the opposite-to think about their loyalty to me but I was encouraged that this is for me (and whoever it touches when read) for I am being called to be the kind of true friend the bible encourages ME to be. As I endure life's journey ahead, I am sure there are trials I will face. I have to be careful with whom I share my burdens and trails with because not everyone is a true friend. " Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" Proverbs 27:6. In other words, there may be some advice I may need to hear that may be unpleasant at the time but a true friend has my best interest at heart and yet it will be for my own good. I always ask, "does it align with my faith?" An enemy on the other hand, will say sweet nothings and will happily send me on my way to self destruction. Sometimes we want to hear what we want to hear and not what we need to hear but a true friends painful advice is much more valuable than that of an enemy who does't care and will tell me what may feel good knowing it's not good. This reminded me of a time early-early-in my marriage when co existing with my husband "seemed" hard. I was not used to sacrifice, sharing my space and lord knows what other childish/selfish desires I had at that time but I wanted some "space!" I remember texting my mom, "mom can I come over and stay a few days at your house, I just need to get away"! It took my mom a few moments to reply and when she did she replied, "Tunai, I hear you, the journey gets rough you need to ask God to increase your long suffering (patience) but what you are asking me to help you do is to break up your family. Your husband is not harming you, abusing you, cheating on you or dishonoring you. You should really think about what you are saying and asking me to help you do”, along with some other very insightful words. I read and re-read her reply and allowed that to soak in as I texted back, "not what I wanted to hear, but I know it is what I needed to hear." Man, am I glad I have the kind of mother/friend I have!!! I was selfishly in my own feelings and wanted my own way and knowing the road that that would have led me to, my mom gave me some true honest advice/wisdom! On the flip side I have been able to share some of this same insight with some of my friends along the way! "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Proverbs 27:17. Being in the company of good people with mental sharpness can help me get clarity, new ideas, see different perspectives and can also stimulate one for another. Friends can bring ideas together and help sharpen each other's thinking without the ego's, compitetion, and without attacking the thinker but may attack the thought.
There are some inner personal struggles we have to overcome and deal with before we can be the type of friends to one another the way God wants us to be. We all have shortcomings, strengths, weaknesses, battles, blessings, losses, wins, decreases, increases, it's all about going through the seasons of life. Dealing with jealousy was noted from the beginning of time. In Genesis 26:12-16 it talks about how the Pillistines became jealous of Issac because everything Issac did seemed to go right. So they filled his wells with dirt and tried to get rid of him. Jealousy is a dividing force that is capable of destroying relationships. It forces you to separate yourself from what you are longing for to begin with. Instead of being happy for someone and celebrating with them and allowing "iron to sharpen iron", you are digging a deep hole for yourself. The story goes on and talks about how Issac and company dug out the wells and moved on. Issac compromised. One of the reasons why I can move on from people and situations and humble myself to ask for forgiveness and forgive when needed ,is because I choose peace and I recently became aware of jealousy. Sometimes we are jealous or envious of people without even knowing it and eventually it arises in our hearts. I pray that I am the friend God wants me to be to others. I pray and strive to balance my life and duties so I can be used by God to help others and be a blessing to others.
As I write to inspire, encourage and motivate you, I write to encourage, inspire, motivate and sustain myself.