Today as I sit in my "closet" I asked God "what do you want me to share?".... there were several "topics" I wanted to share BUT because this is not about me and all about HIM, I was guided to remain transparent. The more I grow, mature, and seek after God's ways, I learn more about self-less-ness and its true meaning. Selfishness is our natural way of being. To the flesh it feels so good to be caught up in myself, the way I look, what I have, what I want, and who can do for me. I am reminded of toddlers "Me, Mine, and No!" Their choice of words at this age is usually not taught, moreover it is in fact a developmental milestone... mmm interesting and yet confirmation. Our selfish nature is opposite of God's grace and mercy. When Jesus went to the cross he knew all what he was going to endure YET he still went to be the sacrifice for us! Sometimes, If I could see certain things that could potentially cause me harm no matter who it would help, I would want to avoid that road to protect myself, how about you? Well thank God this wasn't the case with Jesus because if it were I would still be that selfish, conceited, prideful and lustful girl (who of which I have to fight not to be daily).
Because becoming self-less is an ongoing process in my life, I must share the encounter I had last night. My husband has been given a vision for our family and has come to know his purpose and direction in life. As his wife, I support and stand in agreement with him and our household however, last night as he studied for his upcoming finals and I; stretched out like an octopus (cooking, running bath water, ironing clothes and making lunches for the next day) the words "what about you?" entered my mind. I began for a moment, questioning out loud, "dang, what about me? " I can't do all this stuff" as I am stretched in allllll these areas who is going to look out/after/for me? I struggled with wanting to dwell in this thought BUT I knew I had to move pass that thought as I was able to recognize the source behind it. Perspectively, I was tired and overwhelmed in that moment and could have simply told my husband and that would have been that, BUT because the enemy doesn't sleep and tries to come for me and mine all the time I tapped into my "reality" in that moment. After juggling alll those tasks (alone...so I felt) I came to my inner space to "check-in". I asked the question again and this time I waited, "what about me?"..... I heard within myself " I will give you the strength, the joy to continue to care for others, don't worry about you because I care for you, I have you in my hands, all of your needs are met, I will provide you with everything you need, just keep your eyes on me and allow me to do the rest."
As I wrote these words down on a piece of paper that I sit here and type now, I became instantly comforted. I began to realize the trick that was trying to be played. I know I am loved and cared for so why would I allow a lie that seemed to validate my situation at the time allow me to question anything??? When I came from out of my quiet space, I looked around my house. As the kitchen candle burned- the kitchen was spotless (dishes washed), lunch for the kid was packed and the clothes were ironed; I did it..... unknowingly it got done! I was so busy being selfish that I was unaware I was actually doing all that I was trying to say I couldn't do, and with the wrong attitude. I am so thankful I am learning how to shift my thinking and thought process moreover, I am allowing myself to carry out the word I read and apply it in my daily life. This is not always easy BUT just like almost anything, the more we do it and practice it, the easier it becomes. This is a daily process. I must continue to renew my mind daily so when I have negative thoughts or tempting thoughts, I have God's word stored up inside me to fight them off. When my thoughts do not align with HIS word, Houston we have a problem!!!
"Cast your cares on me because I care for you" - 1 Peter 5:7
" Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you, he will never let the righteous be shaken"Psalm 55:22
Today I cast my "what about me attitude", my feelings of "how am I going to get all this done" all my worries and fears on you Lord, and thank you for your word of truth that has never and will never fail me. Amen.
As I write to inspire and encourage you, I write to sustain and motivate myself.